Greetings, fellow foodies! Today, I want to delve into the captivating world of food poisoning. Yes, that delightful experience when your tummy decides to perform a stomach-turning symphony, causing you to question your life choices. But fear not, for I shall share this tale with a touch of humour and some tips to help you avoid it!

So, how does this magnificent event called food poisoning occur? Well, imagine this: you innocently consume food that has been contaminated by mischievous bacteria, parasites, or toxins. Suddenly, you find yourself at the mercy of a relentless illness. Oh, the joy! Take it from me, as I vividly recall contracting Salmonella from a rather rebellious chicken during a holiday Morocco. The aftermath? An unforgettable adventure into the realm of irritable bowels. Ah, the memories!


The symptoms of this peculiar phenomenon can range from the classic stomach cramps and diarrhoea to the thrilling experiences of vomiting, nausea, and even loss of appetite. Yes, my friends, every cloud has a silver lining, or in this case, a lack of appetite. A perfect excuse to skip that gym session you’ve been avoiding!

Now, here’s the real kicker: some unfortunate souls may develop post-infectious IBS (PI-IBS). It’s like winning the lottery, but instead of winning millions, you get a lifetime subscription to irritable bowel syndrome! Fascinating, isn’t it? This lovely condition can show up long after the initial infection, leaving many scratching their heads, wondering how they have ended up with IBS. The reason behind this mystery lies in the damage caused by food poisoning to the nerves that line our guts. These little troublemakers are responsible for gut motility and sensation. Mess with them, and you’ve got yourself an altered bowel movement extravaganza!

Let’s not forget about the thrilling symptoms of PI-IBS, which include bloating (the latest fashion trend), altered bowel patterns that may leave you running to the bathroom or in a state of constipation, cramping (the gift that keeps on giving), and last but not least, nausea (for those who crave a bit of adventure).

Now, onto the main course: how can we dodge this chaotic ride called food poisoning? Grab your forks and listen carefully.

First on our list of culprits are raw and undercooked poultry, including the notorious chicken, duck, and turkey. They have a particular fondness for playing host to two charming types of bacteria, Campylobacter and Salmonella. These bacteria often turn fresh poultry meat into their own personal party zone during the slaughtering process. To ensure your safety, make sure your poultry is cooked to perfection, avoiding any encounters with uncooked utensils, kitchen surfaces, chopping boards, and other unsuspecting foods. Trust me, you don’t want to see the consequences of their mingling.

Ah, oysters, those delicate creatures from the sea. But beware, for they hold a secret. They can harbour harmful bacteria and viruses due to their peculiar feeding habits. These little fellas feast on large volumes of water, which means they can accumulate bacteria and viruses like a gourmet buffet. Cooking them thoroughly will save you from their mischievous plans, but many brave souls indulge in raw or partially cooked shellfish, unknowingly embracing the viral surprises hidden within.

Now, brace yourselves for the shocking truth: rare beef burgers are not your average steak. Oh, no! They are made from mincemeat, a perfect breeding ground for bacteria. Yes, you heard it right. Those tiny bacteria can have a wild party, mingling with the meat, waiting for an unsuspecting victim. To ensure your safety, my friends, order your burgers cooked to at least medium to well done. No, this is not the time for culinary adventures; we’re on a quest for survival!

Sushi is the elegant art of raw seafood. A delicacy that should be treated with the utmost respect. Remember this golden rule: consume your raw seafood on the day of purchase. Don’t let it linger, my friends, for that is a recipe for disaster. Only trust sushi from reputable establishments, where you know the fish is fresh. And please, avoid frozen fish like the plague.

Now, let’s talk about sprouts. Those tiny green superfoods hold immense power but also pose a sneaky threat. They thrive in warm and humid conditions, creating a perfect environment for germs to join the party. When consumed raw, as they often are in sandwiches and salads, sprouts can bring you a special gift: food poisoning from Salmonella, E. coli, or Listeria. Thankfully, there’s a magical solution to this problem: cooking sprouts. A little heat can save the day, killing off those pesky microorganisms and reducing the risk of becoming a victim of sprout-related chaos.

Ah, bagged salads, the seemingly innocent accomplices in the world of food poisoning. Did you know that 22% of all food poisoning outbreaks in the last decade were linked to these sneaky salads? They’ve perfected the art of deception. Those leafy greens can become contaminated with bacteria like E. coli, Salmonella, and Listeria at various stages of their journey to your plate. Dirty water, unhygienic processing equipment, and questionable food preparation practices all contribute to the danger lurking within that innocent-looking bag. But fret not! A simple act of washing salad leaves thoroughly can save you from this treacherous trap.

Now, let’s sprinkle some additional tips to minimize your chances of becoming the main act in the food poisoning circus:

  • Practice good hygiene. Wash your hands with soap and hot water before preparing food. And don’t forget to wash them right after touching raw meat and poultry. Sadly, this rule doesn’t apply to restaurants, where we can’t peek into their hygiene protocols. Bon appétit!
  • Say goodbye to the infamous act of washing raw meat and poultry. It’s a pointless endeavour that only spreads the bacteria to other foods, utensils, and kitchen surfaces. Let’s spare ourselves the drama, shall we?
  • Cross-contamination is a party pooper. Use separate chopping boards and knives, especially when dealing with the unruly characters known as raw meat and poultry. We wouldn’t want them gatecrashing the vegetable party.
  • Don’t turn a blind eye to the use-by date. Fresh foods, especially meat, fish, and chicken, have a strict expiration date for a reason. Check those dates regularly, and bid farewell to the rebellious rebels, even if they seem perfectly fine. Looks can be deceiving!
  • Cook your meat thoroughly. Make sure ground meat, sausages, and poultry are cooked all the way through. Especially paying attention at BBQs when meat can look well done on the outside. We’re aiming for clear juices, not a dramatic scene from a horror movie.
  • Wash your fresh produce. Give your leafy greens, vegetables, and fruits a good scrub before indulging in their delightful flavours. Even if they come pre-packaged, a quick rinse won’t hurt. Consider it a refreshing shower for your food.
  • Temperature matters. Keep your food safe by avoiding the danger zone of 40–140°F (5–60°C). Don’t leave leftovers lounging at room temperature. Instead, pop them right in the refrigerator and save yourself from potential culinary disasters.

And there you have it, a humorous and informative guide to battling the revenge of the nasty bacteria. If you’ve ever danced with food poisoning, you know the agony it can bring. But there is nothing to fear if you are armed with these tips and a sprinkle of humour, you can navigate the culinary world with confidence.

And if you’re interested in my cleansing protocol and post-food poisoning suggestions, feel free to reach out. Stay safe, stay adventurous, and may your future meals be filled with laughter and delight!

Look after yourself, there is only one you! Complete Health Clinic #colonicsqueen #Manchester